Fudge Chunks, Giving Blood & Endings

Hello to all my online friends...Please don't hate me for lack of online communication over the last week or so as it has been absolutely crazy. There is much to share so I will attempt to explain all over the course of the next few journal entries.

It all started two weeks ago while I was in Vermont fundraising. The day ha started like any other. I had driven to Montpelier, as it was the capital and I thought it would be a good place to make my presence known. However, upon my initial drive through the town I wasn't sensing too many places that I could get out and park. So I decided to drive forty-five minutes to Burlington, Vermont. This was of course, after I made a stop at the Ben & Jerry's ice cream factory in Waterbury (Originally I thought to fundraise there but since it was all enclosed parking within the Ben & Jerry confines it was a big no-no). Note to reader the new oatmeal cookie chunk ice cream is definitely worth trying (I could have lived without the darn fudge chunks though. Am I the only one out there who does not take a fancy to fudge chunks?).

Okay, back to the story at hand. I arrived in Burlington and decided to drive until I found a good spot. Well, as you may or may not know I am a firm believer in karma and how everything you put out will come back to you multiplied. What does this have to do with anything you ask? Well, when I saw the sign by the local university that said "Give Blood Today," I knew that I just had to donate. I decided at that very moment that donating blood would be an integral part in my overall mission's success (little did I know what kind of success). Maybe this all sounds strange (would you expect anything less from me?) but the way I see how can I expect others to want to help me if I don't help back?

So, I headed over and I donated blood. Indeed, as I sat lying back in my chair with a tube stuck into my arm watching 'League of Their Own" on the TV in front of me, I felt good. Even though the young woman drawing my blood shook her head and seemed thoroughly confused when I discussed my trip, I still felt like I was doing something of value.

Of course, upon my departure from the facility I wasn't expecting to have a large iodine stain on the inside of my right arm that was only slightly covered by the white gauze and tape that I was instructed not to take off for five hours. (Surely, if cranky Bob in St. Paul could see me now he would assume he had the evidence of my drug problem).

Well, I ended up at the pier on Lake Champlain where people were out bicycling, roller blading, jogging, running and walking. After my initial thought of "don't these people work" I parked in the meter parking on the street near the waterfront park. For some reason the people in Vermont didn't seem to get me (at least my mission anyway). After two hours I had only made five dollars so I decided to call it quits for the day. By now my arm was hurting and I was dying of thirst so I didn't really desire standing out in the sun any longer.

I grabbed a bottle of water, my notebook and headed down to a bench that over looked the water and watched the magnificent sun set. I love these moments of self-reflection where time seems to sit still and the world around me seems to disappear before my very eyes. The only thing that seems to exist is the seemingly endless water before me.

Of course, these moments of self-reflection can often lead me to ponder whether I should give up the dreams that have become the fabric of my life. Usually such notions occur when I am nestled near the water as the waves crash at my feet and I watch the sun set in the west. These moments make me yearn for a simple and peaceful world where there are no rat races, road rage, rejection, egos and pompousness.

Stevie Nicks has this great line in one of her songs that says, "if I had my life to live over I would never dream." Wouldn't it be so easy not to dream? To have no missing pieces? To always fill complete? To go through the motions of life and be content. Everyday I can feel myself getting closer to my dreams but at the same time the void seems to grow larger. But the truth of the matter is I can give it all up. No one is pointing a gun to my head. I have made the choice to continue and pursue my dreams, no one else has. I often wonder about the person that I would be now, had I given it all up the first time I was rejected and discouraged. Where would she be today? Would a fire still burn within her soul? I guess I will never know what would have become of her but I know what will become of me.

On that note I will end this entry. My adventure in Vermont is just
beginning and sadly my mission could be ending. My next entry will give the details...

Love,
Stephanie