The Six Month Mark Of Mourning...

My mother passed away unexpectedly at the age of 56 this past Christmas evening. With June behind us it marks six months since her death. I can't believe it's been that long. It seems like an eternity since I last spoke with her but by the same token I can't believe how quickly time has passed. So much has changed.

I go to call her on numerous occasions only to realize that is not possible. Her home and work phone are still programmed in my cell phone. I don't know when I'll delete them..

It was always just the two of us. Me and my mother against the world. We were the self proclaimed black sheeps of the family. A badge I proudly display.

This morning I came across the wrinkled and tattered pieces of scrap paper, in which I had written down what I would say at my mothers service. These papers will eventually disenegrate so I've decided to write them down here. Hopefully, they will forever be floating around this mysterious, information superhighway and maybe just maybe my mother will see them.

My mother was many things. She was beautiful, smart, proud, sarcastic, stubborn, hilarious and above all full of love. She was also the most selfless person I've ever known.

My mother never once uttered the words, "I want." It was always, "whatever you want will be fine with me." I believe it was impossible for my mother to ever think or do something simply for herself. Honestly, I don't think she knew how.

My mother had little and asked for even less. She never tried to be something or someone she wasn't. She didn't care if her car was old, if her couch was tattered and torn, or if she had to use a plastic bag as her luggage. She never assigned value to such possessions- they were just things afterall. All she ever wanted was to ensure her children were clothed, fed and happy. So mother rest assured you succeed at this.

Everything I am today is because of my mother. Everything I will ever be or achieve will be because of her. My future success and inevitable failures will hopefully reflect the mother I had and the woman she helped me become.

So mother may you go in peace and know you were loved. May your star shine brightly in the coming days, months and years ahead. May your star guide me when I find myself lost and feeling alone and when the journeys are long and difficult.

And it is my sincere hope that you can now spend your days as you wanted to here. Sitting on a warm beach with a good book. I hope you have that forever. That is what you deserve.

I love you more than anything and I am privileged to have been your daughter. You were my home for 25 years and I will now carry that home within my heart for the rest of my life. It will be with me as I go after my dreams, on my wedding day and when I hold your grandchildren for the first time.

So until we meet again. I say goodbye and thank you.