Welcome to Hollywood.. What's Your Dream...

Oh, how I often recall the infamous words said at the end of Pretty Woman. That is what I think of Hollyweird every time I drive down its streets. So many sad, lonely faces. I hate LA. Everyone wants to be in the entertainment industry. The cashier at the grocery store has his headshots available for display and the dentists really want to be studio executives. It's a town built on illusions. A place where you can rise just as hard as you fall....

When people ask me what I want to do I usually reply "accountant or teacher." I don't want to tell them the truth. Why would it matter? It's the same as so many thousands of others in this town. And in this business everyone lies.

I don't have to be these people to succeed. I don't care if I have to fund every film I make for the rest of my life- I will. Look at the great artists like John Cassavetes and John Sayles. They refuse(d) to sell out and compromise their ideals. They made the decision to make the movies they wanted to and they did it their way. It doesn't matter if people don't recognize their names like they do the Spielberg's or Cameron's. Their work is equally important and above all they've told incredible, real, human stories.

I don't want to produce movies so I can have lunch at the Ivy, drive around in a BMW, own a mansion in Beverly Hills and play this phony Hollywood game. I want to create films because I want to have people- real people like myself and my friends- have a world they can escape to for two hours. A place where they can forget about the impending bills, their children fighting in wars, their sadness- all forgotten...Even if it's only briefly. They'll exist in a place where they can laugh, cry, scream loudly at the theater- whatever.

I can see why this town could really get you down. So many rejections and so few opportunities. But it reminds me of what I learned when I first moved to New York City to attend college. In this business people are always throwing statistics at you. "Oh , well you should have a back up. Only .01% of people actually make it." Just typical crap like that. And I always thought- what is it that determines who those supposed ".01%" were? What made them so special?

And on my first day of classes we had to go around and do the 'what's your name, what do you want to do' speil. And then I found out. When people would say "I want to be an actor...but it's so competitive so if that doesn't work I'll be a banker." Or "I want to writer but if that doesn't work I'll be a chef."

I knew right then and there why I would make it and they would not. It wasn't because I was more talented it was because when they had long packed up and gone home and started their so called "back-up" careers- I was still trudging ahead. In my rodent filled apartments eating top Raman for the sixth week in a row- I refused to give up. And I have been doing just that for what seems like an eternity. And I will continue to do so. Whatever this is that makes me want to do this. It's bigger than me. It's my destiny.